I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
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Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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