I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
