I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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