I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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