im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
How's work?
Spinning.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
