She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
How's work?
Spinning.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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