ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
