wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
