I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
