You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
