My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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