I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
