Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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