just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
