Fine. I'll sleep in my office
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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