Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
