Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
