I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
