while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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