i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
