Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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