Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
