I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
