Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
