i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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