She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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