Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
