the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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