found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
