so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
