My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
