you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
