he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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