glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
