Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
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