There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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