I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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