this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
