You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
