Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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