love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
