Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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