at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
