Apparently you make a good broom.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
