Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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