Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize