twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
