discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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