Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize