Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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