The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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