Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize