im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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