I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
