my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
