You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
