My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
