I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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