Screwed.edu
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
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