He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Randomize