we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
