let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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