i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
