I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
