Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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