I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize