I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
