Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
