Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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