I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
