Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
