There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
