you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize