I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
