I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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