dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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