it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
