I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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