Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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