He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
