I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
