eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
