dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
