just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
