I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
