If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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