Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize