Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
