you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
