Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
