Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
