i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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