Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
