why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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