The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
