i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Operation Purity has been aborted
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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