Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize