We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
