His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
