Michael Bay diarrhea
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
