I heard we made out
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
