hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
