You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
