these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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